Ok, so I need to know...

Are you a New Year’s resolution person?

Yes? No?

For most of my adult life, I wasn’t. Setting New Year’s resolutions felt... well, kind of cheesy. If I’m being honest, it also felt unattainable and exhausting. Sure, I might have made a vague resolution like “eat better” or “exercise more,” but nothing concrete. And let’s face it, once my kids were born, life became about just keeping them alive and myself afloat. Resolutions? Who had time for that?

But I’ve changed my tune—at least a little.

There’s something about the start of a new year that brings natural motivation. It’s a chance to reflect, reset, and hope for something better. The same feeling can happen at the start of a new week, month, or even a new season.

But let’s be real: that’s not how most people think about New Year’s resolutions.

Instead, we often set ourselves up for failure. Most people dive into resolutions with big ideas and good intentions but without the tools they need to actually succeed.

And when we “fail,” it causes a downward spiral of negative self-talk, guilt, and a sense of defeat—leading us right back to the behaviors we wanted to change in the first place. By the end of January, many people throw their hands up and say, “F*** it,” feeling worse off than when they started.

Why does this happen? Because the way we approach resolutions is all wrong.

Think about the most common New Year’s resolutions people make:

• Lose weight
• Eat healthier
• Exercise regularly
• Set boundaries at work to spend more time with family
• Quit a bad habit like smoking or drinking
• Save more money

These are all great goals. But what do they have in common?

They’re HUGE. These aren’t just small tweaks—they’re major life changes. They affect your daily routines, your mindset, your relationships, and even your sense of identity.

These kinds of changes require more than just a burst of motivation or a grocery list for the week. Yet, most of us dive in without a real plan or understanding of what it will take to succeed.

And that’s where we make the three biggest mistakes when it comes to New Year’s resolutions.

Mistake #1: Skipping Self-Reflection

When we look at resolutions, we can tend to look at them at a surface-level view and really miss the true reason we want this change. We need to understand ourselves better to help prepare for the obstacles that will come up when making the change. Here are some questions to reflect on:

• Why do I want this change? And then ask why again. Ex. I want to lose weight. Why? So I can fit in my clothes. Why? So I can feel comfortable and confident in my body when I walk into the office.
• What impact is this behavior having on my life? Think both positive and negative. All our actions have a reason even if they are not obvious to us. Ex. Scrolling on social helps keep me up to date with friends and family; I stay in the know. It also helps numb or zone out of negative feelings.
• Why have I not made this change before now? If I have tried—what helped, what barriers did I face, what was the final straw that led me back to the unwanted behavior?
• What is my motivation behind making this change? Am I making this change because I want it, or is it because of outside influences?
• How do I need to see my new Identity in a way that feels genuine? These are the narratives we hold deepest to us. If we do not work to change how we see ourselves, it is hard to make lasting change.  Instead of saying, "I can't lose weight" vs. "I am capable of making choices that support my health, and I’m finding what works for me." Instead of saying, "I am bad with money," change it to, "I am someone who is learning how to manage my finances better."  These perspectives allows you to take ownership of your growth while leaving the negative limiting labels behind. 

Mistake #2: No Plan

I love plans and organization, so this one for me seems like a no-brainer and dare I say, fun, but most just make these resolutions quickly and maybe plan how they will start the change but rarely go further.

When making a lifestyle change, you need to plan for the bad days. Because you will have them. What will you do when... insert the most common barriers that you can think of and start planning what you could do to overcome this?

Also, it is important in this plan to realize this is not about perfection, but consistency. No one will be able to give 100% all the time. Knowing when it is okay to let go because you will get back to it tomorrow will be key in your success. You will get sick, you will get overwhelmed and busy. Giving yourself grace during these periods will help you get back to it the next day and stop the mentality that a lot of us get when we start to see our goals slip away. We think, “Well, I already ate out yesterday, I already failed, might as well order again.”

We also need to plan for what we will say to our family and friends when we are not able to show up as we normally would. What will you say when you are no longer drinking at family events, or to your coworkers when you no longer answer the phone/email after hours? Being prepared or even preparing them ahead of time will make these moments easier for you. Let them help you—not make this process harder.

Mistake #3: The Goals Are Too BIG!

This is probably one of the biggest mistakes I see: our goals are just too big.

Don’t get me wrong—I love dreaming big and setting bold goals. In fact, I encourage it! But when it’s time to take action, we need to start small. Like, very small.

Here’s what I mean:

Let’s say your goal is to eat healthier meals at home. Where do you even start? It's overwhelming. You can’t just decide to eat healthier and magically make it happen.

You need to break it down.

Think about it:

• You can’t cook meals at home if you don’t go to the grocery store.
• You can’t go to the grocery store if you don’t know what to buy.
• You can’t know what to buy if you haven’t planned your meals.
• And you can’t plan your meals if you haven’t looked at your schedule to see how much time you’ll have to cook each day.

Each step builds on the last. Without breaking it down, you’re setting yourself up to feel overwhelmed and give up.

So the first goal might be sitting down each week and planning what days you want to cook at home and what days you will eat out. This will help prevent the guilt when you do eat out, as you have planned it.

Now, let’s get even more specific:

Say you currently eat out five nights a week and cook at home only two nights. Instead of trying to jump straight to cooking every night, your first small step could be as simple as planning for three nights at home this week. Start by deciding what you’ll cook and making a shopping list. That’s it!

Once you master that step, you can build from there. Maybe next week, you add another night, or you try a new recipe. The key is to set small, actionable steps that feel doable.

The same approach applies to any big goal:

• Want to start exercising? Don’t commit to seven days a week—start with 10 minutes, two days a week.
• Saving money? Begin by tracking your spending for a week to see where it’s going. Can you spare putting away $10 a week to start?

Small steps may not feel exciting, but they’re what lead to lasting change.

It’s about progress, not perfection; consistency, not intensity/burnout.

Lasting change is, after all, what we are after, right? RIGHT?!?

We want to have different New Year’s resolutions next year, not repeating the same resolutions year after year.

So whether you are reading this in January or sometime mid-year, it does not matter. When you have a big goal, do not make these 3 mistakes: Reflect, Plan, Simplify!

If you want one more piece of advice—share this with someone who will push you and hold you accountable. This could be a partner, friend, coworker, or (shameless plug) professional help in a coach. You need to know you do NOT need to do any of this alone. While these steps may be laid out simply, change is NOT simple. It takes a lot of internal work that is sometimes really hard and scary to face.

Change is hard—if it were easy, we'd all be living the life we dreamed of.

Change, however, is NOT impossible, you are capable, especially when you set yourself up for success before you even begin.

 Need help planning your simple changes?